A new plateau.

I am a compulsive, emotional eater. I am an emotional drinker. I am an emotional person. Everything that I do is based off of my emotions. Mainly when I feel bad, or sad, frustrated, or depressed. The fact that I've gained about 20lbs tells me that I feel a lot of these negative emotions...at least 20lbs worth. To realize that I have this problem and that i don't want the extra weight tells me that I also don't want to feel this way. I don't want to depend on something that I know is so easily accessible. I also know that no one will put me down for wanting a good meal. The fact that food gives me so much pleasure is really not a good thing. Realizing that this is my reality is a good thing. Wanting to fix the problem is also a good thing...
But the problem comes when I don't know how, and the fact that I doubt that I even can. It's so hard to do because if the void is not filled I don't know if I can even go on living life like a normal girl. The food would truely take away one of my biggest reasons for living. I want to live for me, but I don't feel that I have as much flavor, and color as delicious dishes. Food is so likeable. I don't want to feel this way, but I do want to be happy...and if food is the one dependable thing that makes me happy, then that's what I'll turn to. My place in this world is unknown. One day...if I'm not around, I hope that someone will read, and know that there was a girl who was truely lost, and hurt, and realize that the reality I live is not what it appears to be.