It ain't easy...

For a long time I've been trying to figure out a way to express these deep thoughts that run through my mind I must put them into words. I still can't find a way to speak my mind without sounding like someone I don't want to be. I have mixed feelings about this entry as I'm typing at my computer. The way I feel about this entry is that it is me, it's mine, and it's my personal thoughts. I need to get these things off my mind and no one...I mean NO ONE at this time will really understand where I am coming from. From this point on, I am disreguarding anyone else's opinion of me. So here I go...

My beauty is a challenge. I intimidate both girls and boys. I want several girlfriends that will be there for me, but most don't want me because they're are jealous. I can't help that they're jealous. Guys will always want attention from me. Some call me a pimp...and I am...but not by choice. It's a position I've been forced to be in, and my comfort level in this position has increased. I liked being a pimp. I still don't mind being a "pimp." It's a hard life to live, and generally it's not how I want to live, but I want to be happy and it's fulfilling a void that I have right now. I wish to change and I strive to be in a commited and exclusive relationship, but there's too much pressure that's pulling me in so many directions. As long as I stay busy enough to keep my mind off of all this then I will continue to fill the empty space in my life. So at the moment this leaves one simple solution...KEEP PIMPIN.