No strings attached!

I've been sitting here with nothing to do all day. It's been raining and I really don't want to go outside. I'm bored and i have a lot of energy to do something. I miss my girls. My ay-ay sisters. I want to go to starbucks with them. Maybe go to the mall or cosmic bowling. I don't know. I just miss doing things in big groups with no strings attached. I don't want to be with just one male. I guess there's nothing special about anyone right now, and even if there was I find that it's not worth it to dedicate my time to anyone like that right now. I just want to go out with a group. Boys, girls, and myself. No drama, no pressure. I just want to have a good time. A few laughs, jokes, and memories to last a lifetime. That's just how I'm feeling right now. I'm sick of this couple thing right now. I don't know why the pressure to be in a couple is so great and we're only 19. I think we should enjoy being in groups with our friends while we still can. When we get tied down to that one "special" person we'll be wishing that we could just go out with our friends and have a good time. Not worry about just one person and doing everything just to make them happy. We should all just be enjoying life right now. I think it's a big party and so many people (including myself) are just missing out. Well, I'm not about to miss the party train. I think I'm going to hop on and join the fun. I will not look back on these years and regret wasting away all my time. These precious years will be so special because I'm responsible for myself, and no one else...no strngs attached! ;-)

My Valentine...

It's February 14th, Valentines day, and I've realized that there's a wall that's separating me from having a deep, true relationship. I haven't built this wall. If i did, I'm in denial, and I'm currently searching for a tool to break it down. Why on this day of love, do I suddenly realize that the love I have for someone else is not returned in a mutual form. Have I done something wrong? Am I not the person to love? There's so much that I don't understand. If I have to ask, then I don't want the love that you give me. I give so willingly of myself. No questions asked. So through all of this turmoil I remember that there is a power greater than my own. So I ask...Is this truely for me? Though my heart is bruised, it's full for the Lord! I did not ask him for a dozen roses because they are already here. I did not ask him for dinner, or a movie. He's given so much more to me. He gave me strength and everything i need to overcome these obstacles. He made me who I am. I love him, he loves me...mutually! No questions asked. No conflict. And in the end when it's all said and done, he'll still love me. Thanks to him I truely have a reason to celebrate, and smile this Valentines Day!

Not now...

I want to try to write every week, so I guess this is for this week...not much to say right now. I'll have to write it later...